Cowards

I've reached the conclusion that some people are cowards. Maybe that's too harsh. Perhaps they are just trying to avoid lots of crazy drama, deflecting it elsewhere, without considering what they are doing to the target it finally hits.

For example, in a group I run, a former member wanted to return. But when she sent a huge, long letter that went on and on about how she'd learned her lesson and wouldn't do it again if allowed to return, I figured I'd better go find out what had happened previously before making a decision. When I talked to those who'd been in leadership at the time, one told me, "No! No! Don't let her back in! She made our lives miserable with one drama after another. Constantly going behind people's backs and causing trouble. A long string of incidents. Clearly her personality is such that she thrives on causing drama and stirring up trouble." Another told me a similar tale. A third echoed the first two but said she didn't want a say in what was decided.

The decision seemed clear. Especially as we already had our fair share of people stirring up drama and causing problems. We didn't need any more of that at the moment. Everyone asked had agreed, though one didn't want to vote on it.

And why not? So that later, when those who were already stirring up trouble came to complain that I was unfair, and claiming that I made this decision by myself (and lied about asking previous leaders' opinions), she could honestly say that she abstained from voting. Why not add that she had concurred that the woman had caused lots of trouble for an entire year? Because she didn't want the troublemakers upset at her.

Am I wrong to think that's cowardly? Ducking to let the arrows go all at someone else doesn't seem right.

But then again, that's part of being a true leader, I think. Being willing to make a decision and then have some people mad at you, thinking you made the wrong decision, because there is no decision that will please everyone. None.

Funny how those who wanted to criticise my leadership didn't last more than a day when they volunteered to take part as leaders. One day of being in the hot seat, having to make tough decisions and having people upset at them, and they all quit. But somehow I doubt they've learned to appreciate those who aren't cowards, who are willing to get things done and take the heat, so that they can sit back and complain about the work that they are now enjoying the fruits of....

Group Politics--UGGH!

Why is it that people can be so difficult to work with? Especially in a group setting?

The past few years have been a great learning experience. In our Home Owners' Association meetings, I seen meetings where people have been ready to start a fist fight over seemingly tiny things. I've seen people who get upset at the drop of a hat, and bring their own hat. They seem primed for a fight, or assume that anything not done their way is done intentionally to get to them.

Now I've inherited leadership of a long-standing homeschool support group. I volunteered to help a fairly large group of people lead the group and ended up being the lone leader standing as people quit or disappeared for months at a time. I don't mind doing the work of organizing and such, but the bickering and back-biting, the people who assume the worst of other people, the people who want to constantly complain about the way I do things but don't want to help lead, either, gets old fast. I've tried accomodating them, trying to use their ideas and include them, but it seems to have back-fired and left me with more of them mad at each other.

Guess it's time to let some of them just leave the group and move on. But why is it that people who came together for the same purpose initially can't just get along? Why can't they be civil and work through their problems? Why?